girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary

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Saturday night, Sunday morning

It's the coldest day of the year (actually, I'm making that up, but it's cold, OK), the heating isn't on at work, and I'm feeling somewhat disconsolate as a result. Plus my hands are really cold.

My oesophagus has a strange feeling in it, like a lump, from throwing up all day yesterday from drinking on Saturday night. I was so drunk, I was acting like such an arse, but somehow even though I was feeling like such crap yesterday, and even though I'd slept in my clothes on an unmade bed, I managed to get through the day without the usual self-loathing that comes after a drunken high. Even though I was having flashbacks to me being such a drunken twat, the kind of stupid drunken bimbo antics that usually make me hate someone. Like tottering around on ridiculously high-heeled shoes. Losing the power of coherent speech. Feeling up some guy's arse on the pretext that he was wearing a mini-skirt. Being told by a charming young Spaniard called Herman that I probably didn't need to stand in the cubicle with him while he was pissing (he was very sweet about it though). And just general over-familiarity with various people I've never met before (including one dressed like Dick Turpin). Not to mention throwing up out of a taxi window on Marylebone Road.

I could scarcely move for most of yesterday, except to drag myself to the toilet. I had the television on, just praying that no one would mention food (I had to make a visit after someone said that her grandmother makes a recipe of lime Jello, soured cream and cottage cheese at Christmas).

While I'm feeling as if I should be hating myself, though, I'm sort of thinking... I had fun!

I have been having fun, in fact.

This will never do. It's like... the festive season, I can't go around being festive. I'm looking forward to Lent.

I keep finding that I can't fall asleep though lately.

My new favourite word of the moment is "slovenly". What a great word. I got to slovenly after I described myself as a "slattern" for walking around in ripped tights, and then I had to look it up to see that it actually meant what I thought.

I slept in an unmade bed in my clothes on Saturday night and I feel the "slovenly" tag is appropriate.

11:48 a.m. - 2002-12-09

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