girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Growupandsnapoutofityouidiot I'm using my miniature Zen garden as an ashtray. I don't even know why I'm smoking, I'm not enjoying it. It's because I feel like crap and I guess smoking is making me feel worse, and sometimes when you feel like crap you want to feel even worse. Or just having something different to feel bad about. He hasn't called, and he's not going to. I don't know what the fuck goes on, why someone would be all enthusiastic and everything, and then just ... nothing. I should be used to it. And once again I'm asking myself, if you know that someone's not going to call, why is it still disappointing that they don't? I guess it's that discrepancy between the obviousness that one's head is more than willing to accept and the hope that sick little hearts cling on to. I beg my heart to grow up and stop being so silly, but she, like an obstinate teenager, won't listen to the good counsel of her mother. And even when she does, it feels worse when hope is gone. It's a beautiful, beautiful day. I feel like giving up. I don't want to be here anymore. But here I will remain. And this time next week the world will be a beautiful place for me, I know it. I'll be laughing a lot, and with friends and not with my head stuck firmly up my own arse and thinking too much about everything. It's time to grow up now. Sunday, May 4 sounds like a good day in which to grow up, no? 2:09 p.m. - 2003-05-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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