girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary



I was out with S. last night, she's having a baby next month. And I know that I complain about people not asking me questions, but she asks too many, and I get bored and frustrated. Like she asks: "Do you think you'll ever have children?"; "Do you think your relationship with your mother makes you not want to have children, or is it some biological thing?"; and "Have you been in contact with [name of boyfriend I broke up with TWO YEARS AGO]?"

She always asks me about him, and I've no idea why, it actually bores me to even have to make the effort to open my mouth and answer that question. And I don't have answers to her other questions, what do I know about biology?

She was telling me about her job, how her boss had told her he didn't think that anything she'd written this year was any good, and I didn't know what to say -- I hardly read her thing, but when I have, I just don't think it's good. She writes profiles and they're really bitchy and sarcastic. But not in a funny way. I don't know, when journalists know each other, they always say "I don't think she can really write", regardless of whether or not they can. Or so I think. I say it too! It's like this bitchy thing you can say while sounding semi-professional, I suppose.

Anyway, it was nice to see her. I know, i always bitch about my friends, but the thing is, I really like them, I do. But I just like to be able to say what annoys me about them.

I've got my payback hangover already, almost exactly as I predicted it. I don't feel bad really, just a bit of a sore head. I hardly drank a thing.

S. is just one of about 20 million pregnant women I know right now. She's first to go though. And I think there's another, a friend from Australia emailed me for the first time for probably a year to tell me she was going to call me because she had some good news, and I mean, why waste the money, that means she's pregnant right? Because she's married already, those are the only two pieces of good news, aren't they.

I wish she'd surprise me and ring me up to say: "I've decided to come and live in London -- see you next week!" Oh well, I'm sure she's very happy. Everyone in Australia got married so young, but none have been forthcoming on the baby front. Well, no, a couple have. One told me that she was really glad that she and her husband hadn't taken time out to travel, because some friends of theirs had gone for a year, "and now they're really behind -- they live in a unit and we live in a house".

Life as a race, and not as a journey.

Friday night I was out with Sue-who-can't-get-pregnant and her husband. She's obsessed with it, but spends most of the time saying that she's not obsessed and that it doesn't bother her. But you know, I do that, and I think it works, one day you wake up and you realise that it's been quite some time since you were bothered by it. Well, maybe it doesn't work when it comes to not having babies.

Sue-who-can't-get-pregnant's husband was really very drunk, to the point where I believe I can say he was, in fact, wankered. He hated everyone in the world on Friday night except for me and Sue, everyone who came up in conversation was a cunt, even if he was telling me "I like him, but he's a cunt". So it was very confusing. He left to go and buy loads of beer so he could keep drinking at home, while Sue told me I should really read some Stephen King. I don't think she read the book I gave her for her birthday last year, but I suppose that I can't ask her.

It is nice going out, but I wish I could space it out a bit better, instead of staying in for ten nights and organising to go out six nights in a row. Not OUT OUT, going crazy and whatnot, but even being sociable.

I can hide today a bit, though. So yay for that.

8:09 a.m. - 2003-07-06


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