girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary

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Pull yourself together again

A fortnight of gig going, going away and going out, and never properly getting better from these colds I keep catching, and now I'm in bed staying still and trying so hard not to cough because my stomach hurts so much from coughing so much.

But I suppose it was all worth it.

Milan was a warning to me on the highs and the lows, sitting on the roof of the duomo whispering to myself "you must go on".

What is it about writing that makes me physically feel better? Not so much here, but in my paper diary. I mean, it doesn't make my chest clear or stop me from coughing up all the green stuff, but it does lift that sense of dread that settles over me, mostly around the stomach.

I wish someone would tell me about how anxiety is mental and physical. How dread is in your head, but it's really in your body too. I just don't understand it.

Well, I spent Saturday and Sunday entirely with friends and laughing a lot and that made me happy, but with being sick and all, now I'm depressed. I haven't had a shower since Saturday or changed my clothes. But I think that today is the day I will pull myself together. For now, at least.

I get depressed and I don't eat properly and I get sick and my eczema gets bad again and that makes me depressed and it goes on.

In December, I will have a month off work, but I need to have that now because it doesn't feel like I'm going to make it to then.

Unless I stay very very quiet, and then maybe I'll be OK.

9:16 a.m. - 2003-10-28

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