girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary

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Gormless

I don't ... I didn't know that today would just be all about it being September 11. I haven't really thought about it so much, except to plan to go out tonight so I don't have to stay at home and watch it all on television, but when I woke up this morning it was all they were talking about on the news (as in, "we take the 'new' out of 'news'", apparently). So I feel resentful now that what we all would have thought about quietly in our own way will now be manipulated and turned into a mass emotional experience.

..........

I did see on television last night though something I'd not seen before. Which was the exact moment where some adviser went up to George W. Bush, who was in front of a class of small children, and I guess told him something was up. Lordy, that look in his eyes, one of them slightly wandering, I can't describe it... except maybe just to say gormless. (Gormless, one of those words that is missing its logical opposite... you never describe someone as "gormful", like that other word that's always given as an example, "disgruntled", where the logic is that to be "gruntled" would somehow be a good thing.)

..........

I've been taking vitamin E and it seems to make my nails grow more and break less, and today they are long and I have them painted a similar shade to that which my mother wore for the 1970s and 1980s (and possibly still wears today), and when I see my long painted fingernails clacking away on the keyboard, it makes me feel like a secretary. If I put my headset on and go on the telephone, I can feel like someone who books a holiday for you tap-tap-tapping your details into a keyboard.

..........

I can't deny, though, that there is a different feeling today. Maybe just because there's nothing happening, but it feels quiet. My back really hurts too.

12:38 p.m. - 2002-09-11

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