girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- safe, protective, dangerous, frightening I just ate a whole lot of ice cream with a Teaspoon of Unknown Origin. This does not make me happy. It was a mistake, but still, it does not make me happy. I have to read you a passage from a book. So it is that these children, abandoned either psychologically or in actuality, enter adulthood lacking any deep sense that the world is a safe and protective place. To the contrary, they perceive the world as dangerous and frightening, and they are not about to forsake any gratification or security in the present for the promise or security in the future, since for them the future seems dubious indeed. The thing is, I never read self-help books. And I never let anyone see that I'm anything less than OK. So when my friend pulled a certain self-help book out of my bag, and innocently asked "what are you reading", then I was embarrassed. And when she jokingly looked at my self-help book, I was apologetic. But when she read that passage I have quoted above, a passage I do not remember underlining, but a passage that nonetheless I have underlined... she was flabbergasted. She was in shock. She couldn't believe it. She kept saying: "But I thought you were so strong!" My goodness, I don't know, when your secret gets uncovered, it's surprising. It's surprising that it doesn't matter as much as you think it will. Not even half as much as you think it will. In fact, I was telling her ... this isn't a secret, you have to tell anyone if it ever comes up. We talked about a million things. Secrets & Lies among them. And how we don't want them. No secrets, no lies. Not in our lives. Not in our dealings. and also ... the Krispy Kreme donuts were pretty good. 10:43 p.m. - 2003-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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