girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary


The universe must love me because here comes my bus

I'm struggling to work, to finish a story. I get tired at the end of the week, isn't that just a bit pathetic.

Cyclical, wheel turning, it's coming around to "why write? why read? why does anyone bother to read this?" I don't have anything to get off my chest. Do I? My father wrote to me to say he'd just noticed my job title and had I had a promotion, but the title has been exactly the same since August 2001. I don't care though, I haven't always wanted you to be proud of me, I just think it's funny that a parent would be more proud of their child if they were a lawyer than if they were a hairdresser.

Wow, I've just recreated that authentic summer feeling by getting some water up my nose while drinking it. It's just like being at the beach!

Last night two people with whom I had less than an hour's acquaintance told me the story of their marriage proposals. One of them, a man, was introduced to me and within five minutes they were telling me "he used to shag around so much, but then he got married" and I didn't know what to say to that. He seemed quite pleased with himself.

When I walked out of this party, the first breath of air is just Freedom! I can stop wondering if people are trying to get away from me, or what they're thinking of me and just be my living-in-my-head, singing-out-loud-in-the-street self again. To walk out of somewhere and into the night, by myself, that feels so good.

And my bus came immediately, so I felt blessed, even though I know that I shouldn't feel that the universe is either for or against me based on the way London buses are running.

Before that, I walked a long way because I'd not realised how far it was. I had a drink with a work contact, and really she seemed more like my older sister than someone from work. I liked her, maybe it was only superficial things we had in common, but it felt like that.

So then I walked from north of Oxford Street to near the Army & Navy in Victoria where this party was, because I ... well, I just didn't know it was so far.

I walked around St James's Palace, and it's weird, the way it's just right there on the street like any old house. It was nice though, I ran into Gay David on the way, he was with his boyfriend and I think that I don't much like him.

It was a nice night for walking around, I saw fun things, like a man with half his beard dyed red; four people standing and looking at ... nothing at all; a woman with really the most pronounced nipples; and the best was this three-year-old kid, walking with his arms outstretched to his teenage brother for him to pick him up, and I could tell the teenage brother was happy to be needed. I was so happy to see it I almost walked right through a sprinkler.

We need rain now, everything's so dry.


I think that this bookcrossing is such a fun idea.

11:43 a.m. - 2003-08-15


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: