girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wee I should probably just go to the toilet rather than tell you I want to wee, but I don't know, maybe I just won't do a single thing without recording it in this diary. What did I read last night that I loved? It was... it was. I know. And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea. And if the first person who tells me what that is from wants, I will send them one of the assorted books I have here. And if I really like you, it won't be one of the crappy marketing ones like "Brands That Rock". I wonder if anyone will want me to send them a book. I don't even know what that's all about really. I keep wishing that my mother was just gone. This latest remedy from the homeopath -- she gave it to me just after my birthday, she said that it would be good to take because after your birthday is a good time to contemplate your life and all that, which I suppose is true. And it did make me contemplative and I've thought about a lot of things (it also made my nails grow, remember?) But now I keep thinking about my mother, it's weird. Like a few weeks ago I was determined to make the best of things and now I'm just so ANGRY at her and I want her gone. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want some big showdown and I don't want to Sort Things Out, I just want to be free. I keep suddenly remembering mean things she said, I hate that. I'm so petty, maybe, for hating her for saying this stuff. Like telling me "you'll never be able to look after yourself" and "no man is ever going to take you out" and "you're going to end up working in a supermarket, you'll never become anything" and that I was lazy and dirty and a slut. Blah. And then the silly cow would tell me "You have good self esteem. Some poor kids have low self esteem, but you're lucky you've got such a good family." I don't get it, I mean she even started to study psychology. Well, I don't know, I was just having trouble getting to sleep last night, I was thinking about her. And my brother, he's leaving London soon, and that's the worst. Because he saves me, and I save him, when they're around. United front and all. When he goes, that's it, I'll never be living in the same city again as my brother and his kids and my lovely sister-in-law, and this makes me sad. I still didn't go for a wee yet. But my legs are crossed. 1:26 p.m. - 2003-09-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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