girlsdontcry's Diaryland Diary

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voice

So I spent the whole weekend ... well, I talked to the newsagent twice. And no one else. And by the time my mother called on Sunday night I was actually finding it ... well, bearable to talk to her. Mind you, she was telling me about her friends children who AREN'T successful lawyers/doctors, happily married with three children living just around the corner from their mother. She was telling me about someone who is, apparently, "on" pot, and rings up his mother telling her he's going to kill himself.

I was going mental all weekend, with the stupid voice.

- Call your brother.
- OK
- Wait. What if he's busy. Or what if he doesn't answer the phone, and he's secretly there but doesn't want to speak to you.
- Call him.
- Hmpf

- Call S.
- OK
- Wait. What if she's doing something and I can't come along. What if they are going out and haven't invited you.
- Just call her.
- Hmpf

- Get up. If you stay in bed you won't be able to sleep at night.
- OK
- Wait. If I sleep, I don't hate myself.

- Getaknifegetaknifegetaknifegetaknife.
- No.
- Just sit here with knife.
- No.
- Knifeknifeknifeknifeknifeknifeknife.

Man. Anyway. It made me look forward to coming to work today. I knew it would happen though, it kind of wasn't that bad. I should have sorted out going out, and that is all.

..........

I can't decide if John Major was doing the right thing by saying he was more ashamed of his affair with Edwina Currie than anything else in his life. I mean, obviously it was the right thing to do by his wife, but it's not very nice for old Edwina, as she's pointed out.

Still laughing at the whole thing though.

Added at 11:08

That just sounds like I was really miserable, but I was really just bored. I was being a dag and making myself laugh in the nerdiest way possible though. Because I'd pulled out this book of poetry after I'd read an article about writing and reading poetry being therapeutic, and I wanted to read some of the poems they mentioned. And I came across this stupid song from Gilbert & Sullivan, "The Very Model of a Modern Major General", and then I read all of Emily Dickinson's poems in the style of "The Very Model of a Modern Major General", and because I'm such a nerd that really made me laugh.

9:57 a.m. - 2002-09-30

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